just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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