He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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