now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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