I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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