he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
