AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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