So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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