At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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