I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
