Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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