It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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