i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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