Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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