cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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