I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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