im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
