It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
