i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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