That's intense
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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