I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
