Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
