I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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