My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
