I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your cock deserves a montage
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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