I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How external is "for external use only"?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
