My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
