I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
