So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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