Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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