it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
