I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I AM VODKA MAN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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