I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
