i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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