am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
