Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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