if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
