I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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