I'd wear matching sweaters with you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize