did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
