The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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