So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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