I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
