He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
