Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Actions speak louder than pants.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
