Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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