I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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