its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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