Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The air was thick with penises
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
