walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
