Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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