They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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