and she was petting her beer can
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
