I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
