walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Welp...herpes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
