my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
