Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
