Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
