I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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