now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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