i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My feet surprised me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
