I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
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