You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
